The best mail i Ever Got :) Still not Over It !

hello s,

look dude...u r one of the best friends in the campus...u r so caring...i wish i wd have been a girl and had u as my boy...but thats not possible in this zanam or life i guess....so

now coming to bplan what i feel is i have worked day nad nite engrossed in the plan for the past 7 months....i even didnt njoy my holidays....so i think so this T-Shirt would remind me of the past emmeories..and how we fooled the judges ;) .....and of course u all guys have also worked.......

Okay finally its ur wish....the only thing is i dont have any formal clothes...so i want this t sirt..however its ur wish finally.....


yours forever
m

A Love's Letter -- My Proposal ( to my to be.. yet to enter my life!)

I don’t know what to think about your ideas that point to our not being together even as friends for lifelong. I know today that we are shedding tears of sorrow – I can’t promise you a happy present but I can promise you a happy future.

I know that I can give you that what you most want- a warm secured life together forever. I know that I can give u happiness, pleasure and joy. I don’t know about the comforts that money can afford, but I know that I can give you all the comforts life can afford. I can bring love to your life.

It’s the test of time that our love has to withstand. Our faith, our trust has to prove itself. Our hope has to be so strong that it is not eroded as the calendars on the walls change. Our love has to be so fervent that rush of torrential storms can’t render our hearts blood pumping machines, with love drained. Our souls have to be united so that we reach god’s abode together …

Dearest Love .. a heart torn letter

Dearest Love

Hope my mail <> finds you atleast in good spirits, though i may be the cause of its ruin.

You have already refused commitment or trust now. I promise I would not embarrass you in future with such words/actions. I have no hope left of our future, with your answers, refusals, doubts and words etched into my heart and destiny.

All I hope is to put this email throu you and you would glance through it…and understand ….

it is a very long one…<>

i first wrote ‘yours’ in the previous mail, and i cudn't fill in the next word... because fearing they might backfire, so i wrote regards. Kindly pardon me for that.

i wud like to express my deep regret over what happened from both sides, what we did wrong, and what misinterpretations were there from both sides.

i am really sorry that i also had a role and my part in it, in hurting you knowingly and unknowingly, when i didn't want to and when I wanted to.
When i should have been perfect, for you had called me so.

I was always faithful to you and i am. my heart is. people have said wrong things about me a lot, even before you met, and all of this has happened to me earlier too. the only difference was you weren't there. there was no love that was with me. i didn't care, and i never will. so, whether i say that i accept it or not, should not be a matter to you.

you have decided what truth is and i urge you to stick to it, thought it may harm me. Because i know that at the end, it might console your mind, with your peace of mind.

you had been on your knees literally, almost got the entire world for me, nay, even more than that for me. i respect you for that. i respected you, and will also respect you in future for that.

when u entered my life, u first created a feeling of belongingness, then you created a feeling of togetherness, and then you asked me. i went for it.

back then, i knew that it might not work out, since we had little understanding. u were attracted fatally. i was also.

so, i went headlong in, to be with you.

you asked me for relationship, and you wanted it a lot immediately. i wanted to spend some time, understand, date exclusively each other, be "committed" without the legal tag, and then, a lifelong proposal with a legal tag, and phy...... because that ways, i had the reason that we wud share everything and also control. respect the fact tht we mean , and develop it further, that we do mean more than just attraction or together for each other,to a need for each other or united into one.

commitment means everything to me, it encompasses all dimensions of space and time, heart and mind, body and soul.

at the time when u asked me, i was suffering from an extremely bad experience. relate it to what you are suffering now. i was suffering ten times more. i am more sensitive. very very sensitive. small things matter. and u did those things be4 we met, like good morning, good night.. the way you handled me when in my exams i used to chat with others, how sweetly you used to rebuke me.. u know tht if i analyse it now, my chatting intensity has gradually declined , with the decreasing exponential function.. now the time has come to infinity..

i was suffering badly. heart-broken, my faith trust , everything was in wreck. i just cudn't feel i cud trust nyone... i just felt i cudn't feel nymore... and for tht, i was very ngry... tht atleast tht person shuld have let me go with my emotions left...
and i wanted him to feel as i felt...

the only hope i saw was you and i really respected u in my heart, though i never ever expressed it. My cards nd letters did. Go through them. What I did with you, and wrote for you and felt for you and thought of you and saw you as, has always been exclusively yours. That’s the reason I never sent you the new year card though, wanted to, I didn’t want to be a hypocrite. We wished over phone. I just had wished you badly over phone. But I wished on the phone only you.

this was my condition be4 meeting. I had told u tht I am not ready, and don’t force me into it, it might end up something else, and u might be the one to get hurt a lot, which u may not be able to TRANSCEND

since u had asked me for relationship, i was apprehensive. not of you, but myself. kindly remember that.

i had talked wid u of absolute trust and love in a relationship. tht even with the actions of the other person isn’t broken…

and remember all that we had talked. I said, u wud have to be very understanding, letting go of anything, and be the same forever, otherwise, you will be hurt by me… I said earlier, because I wasn’t in the right mindset/ condition to go into a relationship, and that too before even spending some time with you, exclusively.

You never used to chat wid oders, when u used to chat to me.. tht was one thing I loved…

And you said you don’t care, how much hurt can the relationship bring you.. u don’t care.. after all no one else had given u the feeling of pain except me, and that right is exclusive to me for lifelong… and I said yes.. I will use it also… not always, but when need be…

I told u I am very difficult to be around me and to gain my trust was more difficult than climbing mount everst.. I may not do nything, but wud expect u to do everything, if you want to win my trust.. and that will hurt u a lot…

But I will always be faithful… u said it wont matter to you even if I betrayed u/ ditched u… but I did neither of these things.. I troubled u… with these things…


Just remember all the conversations we’ve had be4 we met.. u were crying..u said u want to take the risk to get hurt, to get absolutely.. I said then don’t blame me tomorrow.. because geminis do, even if they r the ones to commit mistake,,.
You promised me u wont… and now…

U wanted to live with me, and cud do nything, change your preference even,…
I told u I might tell u n no of lies… I did..

U wanted to be with me, even if I was the one to give u the ultimate pain.. I told u I might… and I did… u are there now….

I did because I love u the way u love me,.. and I wanted to know if all those things said were true…

And I did so that I made sure that I would get caught…


But there’s a but to all this and why’s also…


This is what was before’s..

After meeting, all the but’s started.

I was already very apprehensive of the relationship itself.. you said u trusted me.. I said to u be4 that I mite not trust u, and it might take time… u might have to wait…

and I have told u that I will not repeat all this when we are committed, for this was a six months one, not a lifelong.

And you were damn crazy about me, sure I didn’t doubt it for a moment, ..
But wud it last lifelong??

U asked me for lifelong commitment, and therefore, since I was getting committed, I wanted some things.. I expected , for I had the right to and they were the expectations which u cud fulfil..

To be on time, to do some things.. TO STOP CONTACTS to tell me the PAST ..

I expected you to do those first.. since it was a six month one, I argued, that If u find me a betrayal, u wud leave , and u cud go ahead, check me after six months…

U know I told u clearly.. that I am very insecure.. my feelings have been played at before… and my mind was also bent somewhere else..

If you would have stopped contacts, and showed me, changed ur no. stopped talking to “people”,and “friends”, deleted your profile, without asking me to…

While saying “ I have found you. I don’t need anyone else but you. I love you. And I am doing all this, because I want to trust you fully and make you stay with me comfortably . I am doing my best..

You know this is a waste of time. I would like you to realize this, and take right action.. rest depends on how you want our commitment. One way/ two way”

I wud have immediately stopped meeting/ talking on phone, and within one week or so, deleted my profile..

If you were committed for me lifelong, not for six months, and really believed it, then, you yourself wud have said “you want me to share everything with you. I am. This is my… .. I love you. “

I would have shared it next day . why? Because if u stayed calm, and u didn’t change ur password/ nything else, that meant ‘IT’

Then, I expected proposal, and then parents.

That was why I was expecting you to do these things selflessly, without asking me to do these. Because, that is what true love is. It is not jealous, and not demanding at the same time, more caring for the other self than himself.

Sacrifice. I made them, where I marked myself to make. I would have gladly made all these sacrifices also which I didn’t. I deliberately didn’t. I love you. But I didn’t, because if I did, you wud never have a chance perhaps to be selfless , to be humble, to be showing overflowing with true divine love… And I wanted to see your divinity within…

This is the impression you had made.. and though you succeeded in making me “not addictive” to meeting people AT ALL, after three quarters a year, you succeeded in never letting me enable to develop…

I trusted you completely … but trust was left incomplete…

Now, I wud say this.

You had sources. I didn’t.

You had cotacts which cud report to u. I didn’t.

You asked me for relationship ,even it may hurt u badly. I didn’t

You were in mindset of relationship. I wasn’t

You told me that you would do everything I asked. I didn’t tell you that


You said that u wud make it perfect… our relationship .. I didn’t say
<>

you said that you would share everything, when I asked u.. I didn’t say/share
<>
<>

you said that you would not tell me any lie. I didn’t

you told me that you wud never betray my trust/ me . I didn’t
<>

you said you will be like my mom and dad. I didn’t
<>

you said you wanted to live with me for lifelong.. even I did after sometime…


I gave you two months, in the starting to gel with me… completely.. after the parting, everything started to decline as day by day I waited for you.. for your selfless love… that is not just human.. but heavenly…


And then, I with all my tears everyday in two months and after that, my fears, my insecuritites already heightened by past, and then by our actions towards each other.. increased, and then, old feelings before meeting came back… priorities started to shift, which were supposed to shift after six months.. or even during those.. you know if things would have happened selflessly on both sides, then I wud have told you while even in two months or in our commitment, and we would have been together in that.

Yes, we would have been.. I waited.. because if our love wasn’t selfless, it wud break one day, since people say lies and wrong things about each ither on the net.. that we were supposed to go together… I feared tht I cudn’t sacrifice the relationship… we wud have to be strong to believe each other, not to be jealous, if we met some1 alone for this work and screw ourselves..

So when I didn’t get that from you, or even peace of mind with all those things that we both did<> I went on orkut and g4m. I didn’t delete ny scrap because once my thing was done, and once u r back, I wanted to show all this myself to u… I feared telling you, that u wud develop insecurities since u r so physically attached, and u might ruin ur step first step of ur career.. which is most important..

I didn’t want to be like your friends vinayak, and manik and neither like your cousins… and I don’t …want…

I talked badly,because I was hurt, that what all you said be4 relationship, I cudn’t find the same selfless serving love completely in you…and my emotions of anger over that guy fused with yours, because you cudn’t do few simple things.. neither at my birthday, neither physically, neither you would listen much , to all I wanted to say, neither wud u do things.. I had to say ten times…

I on the other hand, either listened to u, or I didn’t .. and what I didn’t , they included all those things which u can complain, and righteously complain and charge me guilty of crime..

But that was what I exactly had told you be4 relationship.. isn’t it.. that until I can see selfless serving divine pure love, untainted with carnality, I woNT BE PERFECT EVER…

I am not a fool to tell lies to get easily caught at., to leave proof on net that I betrayed you.. I never betrayed you.. I know it. You consider it a lie. Please do.

The last thing I have to say is that I was in negativity be4 relationship, during the relationship I had no reliable sources, except my instincts, to tell me how you are betraying everything what you said to me be4.

You had sources, to some extent reliable<> to keep an eye , close one on my movements..already I was insecure.. u weren’t for emotions..

I was…. So just think if u know that you would not know when where your partner.. went…. To what extent will the insecurities and emotions increase…

As compared to those that when you know that you would know if your partner betrays the commitment in all ways…. which I deliberately did…

U didn’t change. Tht increased day and night.. till the end of two months …

And now here we are, these two months. And my parents know all there’s to know, because I always considere u one of us.

I urge u, beg you, to think what you want to think and take everything objectively. Against me or for me.

What matters to you is the most important for you now.

Thanx for patiently going through it. Thanx for your understanding, however little you could allow yourself to give.


Sir , hoping sincerely for your best in Life.

May God keep you well.

Love