Does Love Exist?

Searched for love,
Love found me, and betrayed..

I found love again and it died..
I found love again, and we weren't compatible..
I found love again, and he wasn't eligible..
I found love again, and his priorities were different..
I found love again, and he broke it for family..
I found love again, and he did the 'right' thing..
I found love again, and he left for the society..
I found love again, and he didn't believe me..
I found love again, and he was with someone else..
I found love again, and there was generation gap..
I found love again, and he didn't listen to his heart, but others' tongue
I found love again, and he broke up in public for my bisexual orientation..
I found love again, and he was engaged..
I found love again, and he had aids..
I found love again, and he was married..
I found love again, and he was fuckin rich
I found love again, and i was not his type
I found love again, and i wasn't sexually satisfying for him
I found love again, and i wasnt enough caring
I found love again, and i cudn't express my love enough for him
I found love again, and he fell in love with someone else
I found love again, and he was just looking for casual
I found love again, and he made me his friend..
I found love again, and he wasn't ready..
I found love again, and he was poor
I found love again, and we were in opposite parts of the world
I found love again, and he trusted in destiny..

with my tear soaked heart dried,
still with remembrances of my first love
and all the loves that turned me..
Into what? ..
An emotional psycho-sexual 'slut/cripple' ??
...kinda makes me wonder,
Does love exist?

Unconditionality

To care unconditionally for someone, is to truly love someone.

When it isn't about morally debased physicality of passions hung up, but when it's awesomely wholesome, awesomely love-making with the eyes and words.

When words are for each other, and when words are spoken without a voice, without a language. When words are spoken by the eyes...

When he hugs you, takes you in his arms, and you feel lost, you want to be lost completely in them..

When he cares for your reputation, cares for your respect, for your integrity..

When he cares for you, and takes you out for hukkah, and pasta with white sauce, the combination you love.. When he's readily gives you the bite you want, and still says nothing, but looks at you lovingly..

When, in the night, he prepares the bed for tired you, and hugs you, kisses on your forehead, and you need the whole bed since you are already asleep.. so he himself sleeps on the floor...

Is it love?

~<3~

I f*ck'd this guy..

< Not a personal experience. Any correlation bearing to any incidents or any person, living or dead, is purely coincidental. >

I f*ck'd this guy,
this really hot hot guy
he f*ck'd his way through thirty
and i was but twenty two..

It was yesterday night,
we rocked the red cab black and blue,
we sweated in dark lane,
and there was High in our veins...

it was thirty past two,
when we f*ck'd like minks,
and so passionately close,
Even lovers in bliss couldn't ever be..

Never stopped f*ck'n his soft back
Never stopped tasting his nipples,
Never stopped kissing his nape
never stopped biting his lips, hard..

It was but an hour,
we were not even exhausted,
hormones kept raising to our heads
while our bodies swayed to the beating rhythm..

He had a plane to catch
and i had to proofread my boss' file..
but there lay his tickets on the floor,
beneath them, my boss' file..

Thinking about him, f*ck'n him,
made me desperate, horny,
yet turned me off like hell
as if what was i doin there, naked?

he said i was f*ck'n hot,
he even called my name
he shouted the pleasure's moan
And felt heaven on earth..

Could i? i felt everything
yet i felt i felt nothing
there was everything f*ck'n sexy and jelled up..
yet i felt it dry and bare..

Was i irritated?
was i where i shouldn't be?
was i rememberin my ex, when his call came..?
was i in love with this guy?

Did i feel used?
Did i feel i used him?
Did i hate his very touch?
Did i felt touched by love itself?

grabbed his groins hard
and f*ck'd him harder,
spanked him, hard, yet harder
and made love to his lips...

jerked him off,
and he got off, on tickets and my boss' file
and i was as hard as ever
yet didn't feel anything..

zipped trousers up,
cleaned with the magazines
wiped clean, after playin' dirty
And called the cab driver

Said bye,
dropped out at the next stop,
with my head and his butt f*ck'd
and nothin' much...

I f*ck'd this guy,
this really hot hot guy,
who got turned on and got off..
asked me when again? it's never again..

Back from Digital Vacation: Updating... 1000%

Back from the digital vacation!

How was it? High and ebbs...

Like feel like a betrayer, a lover, being betrayed...

Feel like that I ditched a lot of people.. and a few ditched me :-)

Anyways, feelings are far from facts, and truth can be far from facts too...

Truth is... I really got a first hand experience of what a Casanova would have felt like. Dead inside.

Being unemotional is different from feeling deadbeat.

Being going around, with colours of sheets changing every night.. and reaching the heights of ecstasy for most of the nights celebrated and coronated with high spirits..

And then having multiple boyfriends and multiple girlfriends. Feel tired.. who can handle them all? And i am a single one guy..

Dating.. phew.. dates are so hard to find.. i mean real dates.. not casual, not romantic, not friendly, but you know there's a spark, an adventure that you see in their eyes...

Feel like mapped the entire geography of the world.. now searching for aliens, maybe? :P

And then, those open relationships, while counting myself single... why cannot everyone just dump me for once and all... perhaps, they still want to experiment.. is it? is it an adventure for them? is it that they wait that i'll change to whom i was once before, only a few months ago? is it that they still feel that i have a heart which cares and can love.. like love love!

It's the very idea of having two radically opposite ideas, two radically different perspectives, two radically different value systems: nay, the opposite two poles, which seemingly compete with each other.. yet, they merge, mix and fuse together into perfect harmony as of now in my life...

the question remains, after trying everything.. after seen everything.. ok ok.. let me be not so pompous, almost everything, truly.. for such a young age as i am .. by the time i turned 21.45 years old, i was almost giving counselling to married men of 35+ years of age and singles of 26+ !

Phew!

So, the question remains.. do i ? do i like to be in harmony? i mean monogamy was good.. but things changed.. and they changed me to the extent that i stopped believing in the very idea of why one thing should be given so much preference over another.. did i get bored? perhaps, of the hype given to monogamy..

and then.. did i get bored of polygamy? maybe yes..

so i went ahead for open relationship... but, then, i would .. hmm.. not be monogamous.. yet monogamously involved..

so i counted myself single.. like really?

Smooching random guys (atleast more than 4), who might belong to seconds or even thirds in terms of items on sale in a Saturday night flea-shop (club)... and maybe if one of the guy is lucky.. lol... if to what, approve of polygamy? nope. i just felt so. With no concern for my f*cked up image..

what is image anyway? i started with a clean slate. and then my exes landed me into bullshit.. saying things which i had never done.. ensuring my future break-ups..and then friends whom you could trust, in two months their tongues are like snakes.. worse than snake's bite.. and to top it all.. for people who are 'high maintenance' and do PR for their images.. they are the ones who are the f*cked up b*tches on bed.. like as if i have never made out with any of them.. rather most of them.. so pretentious.. always pretending to be something..someone you are not.. you think no one f*cking sane and with little bit of sensibility would not be able to see through your maneuvers .. lolz.. and str8 world is just a toned down f*cked up version of the g*y world! No less different.. (coz, prob they aren't so f*cked up by society!)

there are no lifepartners, no real friends, and no reputation, anyway! No truth..

(I still count on some exceptions though.. duh! .. my life's blood they all are!)

---

Anyways, to the lovers of abstraction, it would seem a perfect idea, to be able to get anything and everything that heart can desire, yet not to be able to still get few things.. and then, even in harmony, you get bored..

Am i bored? thats question lulls my very existence of thought. Simply, i dont know! I know i am not confused. know what i want, and what i dont want.. in my life.. but at this time, i dont want to know..

i choose not to know.. to stay in the moment.. to feel the heat of the passion .. and to coldly see it evaporate...

All to say, to end this.. is that out of the entire week, i actually sleep for more than 3.5 hrs maybe two-three days (and four if i am lucky!) why? bfs, gfs, casual dates, home, family, extended family, lovers, acquaintances, str8 friends, lesbian friends, sisters and brothers, casual dates, romantic dates, ons, ona(affair), work, work, work, hobbies, cooking, extra-curricular, reading, cleaning, phone calls, making love over fone, internet, chat, mails, more work, office, home work, social cause, networking, exercising (just started)! .. Phew.. need to make my life simpler: Scheduling! lolz...

Anyways, those 3 days i have this recurring dream: that there's a huge deck of cards of people with whom i am involved emotionally or physically or intellectually, or spiritually even.. and that all of them know everything..(i m pretty honest in terms of communication.. believe in openness) and that one day this entire deck will fall down and stand in a line and charge @ me...

Not that i fear everything falling apart.. i dont.. and i know what have been risks .. as well as all its 'tangible' and 'intangible' 'assets' and 'liabilities'. and i dont mind having a meltdown, and crisis...

But then, i'll get rap*d emotionally and f*ck royally!

Atleast, that should be a stimulating adventure!

(*-^)

Why is Foursome better than Threesomes? - Part I

I've had like three threesomes, and they were fucking good.

My third or fourth (i am confused! :P) ex-boyfriend, told me he didn't like threesomes. And mind you, he was sexually active. Much more than me.

Yesterday night was the first time I had my first four-some.

Well, here's how it all started: With Onesome. lolz :-)

I had thought that I would do myself a sexual favor for the fourth time in the day, in the night.

However, my very dear friend, called up in the afternoon. And I've slept with him earlier. His body is fucking hot. He's this slim guy, fair, innocent face, but manly, little but right hair on his chest.

btw, some people think i've turned into this horny crazy bastard (others fantasize as a bitch!)! well, i am not, for the record. I am dating, too. and i do respect others for what they are. But, i've expanded my horizons (not my ass, yet!)! And i've become open minded, and flexible to deal with the flow of life!

Yea, so his chest. The nipples are fucking hot. Like my first ex's. Soft, yet fully formed, and better than my first ex's. :-)

So, he called me. He was lonely. So was I. and i said yes. yes, i will come over and spend the night. Lets call him harry! I'm abhi! :-)

So, after finishing my shopping in sec 17, i got a call from an unknown no. a guy, whom i didnt know. We talkd, and he came to meet me in sec 17. He pretty much liked me. His lips were good, red, with passion. And he was medium built, slim, the guy next door, good for rendezvous! His name was P. P was cancerian. And i liked him, made a move towards him, standing by his side, so that he could feel me, my breath, and my hard-on.

And then, he was filled with lust. And fear. I had this crazy idea: I want a threesome! And i asked him out. he wanted to meet the other guy, harry. But then, i thought, he left. Too fearful, or too hasty. anyways, he'll call me later (or so he said.)

So then, harry arrives in front of Wills Lifestyle, where my first 'official' ex (yea, had many be4 him too :-) ) is shopping! nyways, that made me more a crazy bastard. I remembered fucking him. How he used to cry out and his hand on my nipple, and smooching him.. (he's a hardcore top, btw... but love makes one do crazy things.. i did a lot! got addicted to poppers, Courtesy Rahil Marwi: my first official ex!)

So, yea, i see harry aka corby, and then i smooched him. (tht's the right thing to do, when u meet ur crush and lover and friend!) PDA (Public display of Affection: Always work for gays!) P.S. I think my ex, Rahil, and his second ex-bf, Parwaksh, got jealous and horny! :-)

Yea, my mind wanders a lot! sorry! Mwah, to my third or fourth ex: Manish S69. He was one of my best, honest out of all bfs or gfs i've had. (Had my breakup with a gf recently, so remembered her, too, in the market!)

Hmm, so i meet this guy harry, and smooch him in front of the world, and whisper in his cute left ear: "Threesome?"

................................................................ To be continued..............................................................