Back from the digital vacation!
How was it? High and ebbs...
Like feel like a betrayer, a lover, being betrayed...
Feel like that I ditched a lot of people.. and a few ditched me :-)
Anyways, feelings are far from facts, and truth can be far from facts too...
Truth is... I really got a first hand experience of what a Casanova would have felt like. Dead inside.
Being unemotional is different from feeling deadbeat.
Being going around, with colours of sheets changing every night.. and reaching the heights of ecstasy for most of the nights celebrated and coronated with high spirits..
And then having multiple boyfriends and multiple girlfriends. Feel tired.. who can handle them all? And i am a single one guy..
Dating.. phew.. dates are so hard to find.. i mean real dates.. not casual, not romantic, not friendly, but you know there's a spark, an adventure that you see in their eyes...
Feel like mapped the entire geography of the world.. now searching for aliens, maybe? :P
And then, those open relationships, while counting myself single... why cannot everyone just dump me for once and all... perhaps, they still want to experiment.. is it? is it an adventure for them? is it that they wait that i'll change to whom i was once before, only a few months ago? is it that they still feel that i have a heart which cares and can love.. like love love!
It's the very idea of having two radically opposite ideas, two radically different perspectives, two radically different value systems: nay, the opposite two poles, which seemingly compete with each other.. yet, they merge, mix and fuse together into perfect harmony as of now in my life...
the question remains, after trying everything.. after seen everything.. ok ok.. let me be not so pompous, almost everything, truly.. for such a young age as i am .. by the time i turned 21.45 years old, i was almost giving counselling to married men of 35+ years of age and singles of 26+ !
Phew!
So, the question remains.. do i ? do i like to be in harmony? i mean monogamy was good.. but things changed.. and they changed me to the extent that i stopped believing in the very idea of why one thing should be given so much preference over another.. did i get bored? perhaps, of the hype given to monogamy..
and then.. did i get bored of polygamy? maybe yes..
so i went ahead for open relationship... but, then, i would .. hmm.. not be monogamous.. yet monogamously involved..
so i counted myself single.. like really?
Smooching random guys (atleast more than 4), who might belong to seconds or even thirds in terms of items on sale in a Saturday night flea-shop (club)... and maybe if one of the guy is lucky.. lol... if to what, approve of polygamy? nope. i just felt so. With no concern for my f*cked up image..
what is image anyway? i started with a clean slate. and then my exes landed me into bullshit.. saying things which i had never done.. ensuring my future break-ups..and then friends whom you could trust, in two months their tongues are like snakes.. worse than snake's bite.. and to top it all.. for people who are 'high maintenance' and do PR for their images.. they are the ones who are the f*cked up b*tches on bed.. like as if i have never made out with any of them.. rather most of them.. so pretentious.. always pretending to be something..someone you are not.. you think no one f*cking sane and with little bit of sensibility would not be able to see through your maneuvers .. lolz.. and str8 world is just a toned down f*cked up version of the g*y world! No less different.. (coz, prob they aren't so f*cked up by society!)
there are no lifepartners, no real friends, and no reputation, anyway! No truth..
(I still count on some exceptions though.. duh! .. my life's blood they all are!)
---
Anyways, to the lovers of abstraction, it would seem a perfect idea, to be able to get anything and everything that heart can desire, yet not to be able to still get few things.. and then, even in harmony, you get bored..
Am i bored? thats question lulls my very existence of thought. Simply, i dont know! I know i am not confused. know what i want, and what i dont want.. in my life.. but at this time, i dont want to know..
i choose not to know.. to stay in the moment.. to feel the heat of the passion .. and to coldly see it evaporate...
All to say, to end this.. is that out of the entire week, i actually sleep for more than 3.5 hrs maybe two-three days (and four if i am lucky!) why? bfs, gfs, casual dates, home, family, extended family, lovers, acquaintances, str8 friends, lesbian friends, sisters and brothers, casual dates, romantic dates, ons, ona(affair), work, work, work, hobbies, cooking, extra-curricular, reading, cleaning, phone calls, making love over fone, internet, chat, mails, more work, office, home work, social cause, networking, exercising (just started)! .. Phew.. need to make my life simpler: Scheduling! lolz...
Anyways, those 3 days i have this recurring dream: that there's a huge deck of cards of people with whom i am involved emotionally or physically or intellectually, or spiritually even.. and that all of them know everything..(i m pretty honest in terms of communication.. believe in openness) and that one day this entire deck will fall down and stand in a line and charge @ me...
Not that i fear everything falling apart.. i dont.. and i know what have been risks .. as well as all its 'tangible' and 'intangible' 'assets' and 'liabilities'. and i dont mind having a meltdown, and crisis...
But then, i'll get rap*d emotionally and f*ck royally!
Atleast, that should be a stimulating adventure!
(*-^)
How was it? High and ebbs...
Like feel like a betrayer, a lover, being betrayed...
Feel like that I ditched a lot of people.. and a few ditched me :-)
Anyways, feelings are far from facts, and truth can be far from facts too...
Truth is... I really got a first hand experience of what a Casanova would have felt like. Dead inside.
Being unemotional is different from feeling deadbeat.
Being going around, with colours of sheets changing every night.. and reaching the heights of ecstasy for most of the nights celebrated and coronated with high spirits..
And then having multiple boyfriends and multiple girlfriends. Feel tired.. who can handle them all? And i am a single one guy..
Dating.. phew.. dates are so hard to find.. i mean real dates.. not casual, not romantic, not friendly, but you know there's a spark, an adventure that you see in their eyes...
Feel like mapped the entire geography of the world.. now searching for aliens, maybe? :P
And then, those open relationships, while counting myself single... why cannot everyone just dump me for once and all... perhaps, they still want to experiment.. is it? is it an adventure for them? is it that they wait that i'll change to whom i was once before, only a few months ago? is it that they still feel that i have a heart which cares and can love.. like love love!
It's the very idea of having two radically opposite ideas, two radically different perspectives, two radically different value systems: nay, the opposite two poles, which seemingly compete with each other.. yet, they merge, mix and fuse together into perfect harmony as of now in my life...
the question remains, after trying everything.. after seen everything.. ok ok.. let me be not so pompous, almost everything, truly.. for such a young age as i am .. by the time i turned 21.45 years old, i was almost giving counselling to married men of 35+ years of age and singles of 26+ !
Phew!
So, the question remains.. do i ? do i like to be in harmony? i mean monogamy was good.. but things changed.. and they changed me to the extent that i stopped believing in the very idea of why one thing should be given so much preference over another.. did i get bored? perhaps, of the hype given to monogamy..
and then.. did i get bored of polygamy? maybe yes..
so i went ahead for open relationship... but, then, i would .. hmm.. not be monogamous.. yet monogamously involved..
so i counted myself single.. like really?
Smooching random guys (atleast more than 4), who might belong to seconds or even thirds in terms of items on sale in a Saturday night flea-shop (club)... and maybe if one of the guy is lucky.. lol... if to what, approve of polygamy? nope. i just felt so. With no concern for my f*cked up image..
what is image anyway? i started with a clean slate. and then my exes landed me into bullshit.. saying things which i had never done.. ensuring my future break-ups..and then friends whom you could trust, in two months their tongues are like snakes.. worse than snake's bite.. and to top it all.. for people who are 'high maintenance' and do PR for their images.. they are the ones who are the f*cked up b*tches on bed.. like as if i have never made out with any of them.. rather most of them.. so pretentious.. always pretending to be something..someone you are not.. you think no one f*cking sane and with little bit of sensibility would not be able to see through your maneuvers .. lolz.. and str8 world is just a toned down f*cked up version of the g*y world! No less different.. (coz, prob they aren't so f*cked up by society!)
there are no lifepartners, no real friends, and no reputation, anyway! No truth..
(I still count on some exceptions though.. duh! .. my life's blood they all are!)
---
Anyways, to the lovers of abstraction, it would seem a perfect idea, to be able to get anything and everything that heart can desire, yet not to be able to still get few things.. and then, even in harmony, you get bored..
Am i bored? thats question lulls my very existence of thought. Simply, i dont know! I know i am not confused. know what i want, and what i dont want.. in my life.. but at this time, i dont want to know..
i choose not to know.. to stay in the moment.. to feel the heat of the passion .. and to coldly see it evaporate...
All to say, to end this.. is that out of the entire week, i actually sleep for more than 3.5 hrs maybe two-three days (and four if i am lucky!) why? bfs, gfs, casual dates, home, family, extended family, lovers, acquaintances, str8 friends, lesbian friends, sisters and brothers, casual dates, romantic dates, ons, ona(affair), work, work, work, hobbies, cooking, extra-curricular, reading, cleaning, phone calls, making love over fone, internet, chat, mails, more work, office, home work, social cause, networking, exercising (just started)! .. Phew.. need to make my life simpler: Scheduling! lolz...
Anyways, those 3 days i have this recurring dream: that there's a huge deck of cards of people with whom i am involved emotionally or physically or intellectually, or spiritually even.. and that all of them know everything..(i m pretty honest in terms of communication.. believe in openness) and that one day this entire deck will fall down and stand in a line and charge @ me...
Not that i fear everything falling apart.. i dont.. and i know what have been risks .. as well as all its 'tangible' and 'intangible' 'assets' and 'liabilities'. and i dont mind having a meltdown, and crisis...
But then, i'll get rap*d emotionally and f*ck royally!
Atleast, that should be a stimulating adventure!
(*-^)
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