Spirituality, I think, is one of the most essential ingredients, if one wants to keep his sanity of mind, and not degrade his character or principles which we all believed in before stepping into this side...
Have you ever sat down, and done an introspection and analysis of what all has happened to you and your life.. after you became active in this scene? or what changes have entered your life , after all these things..
Reflecting on my own experiences, my stupidity, my intelligence, and at what all happened to me.. i guess, it has been more filled with things, than ever before, and at the same time, a feeling of eternal emptiness filling me inside.. making me feel worthless and a low sense of self esteem..
Gay world is a bitchy world.. Everyone sleeps with everyone mostly.. Everyone falls in love with someone .. Someone betrays always.. one will surely bitch about you .. many will again add sugar and spice to it... and everyone will hear... many will always believe it.. someone wont./..rarely....
Noone will be at your side sometime... You'll cry, all alone..
"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. It can only be developed and strengtheened in trial and suffering". Helen Keller has rightly said... is it? That is , if you have go9t strrong nerves take it.. . some dont; and take a direct road to ending their own lives....
sometimes, i think, isnt it better to end all this? To end , and get over it.. fininsh it in one go..
But, then, what good would it do? to my parents? To my teachers.. to my fa,mily >? to my friends, one or two they maybe , who can die for me.. i am responsible to them..
Its not a matter of responsibility also, on thinking deeper.. it's ;like climbing the hill... Past... To forget it and forgive your ownself , and others who has wronged you... even to the extent of defaming you in thwe whole town.. i guess, still you must be strong enough to undergo this excruciating Herculean task...
For in victory, man grows.. "Strength is Life, weakness, death." Swami Vivekananda...
And moreover, we must not be ostriches... who put their heads in holes,... when they see imminent danger .. .
All of us have our own heartbreaks.. own hurts.. , but it lies in the greater nature of man, to try to overcome it... Our eyes are placed in front of our head, our nose in front.. so that we can see New, breathe New.. feel New, and also , live New .. it's higher wisdom to be detached in bliss.. to be in equanimity in any situation.. To remember that whatever my problem is, i am bigger than it .. is the right way..
A life has various aspects.. Sexuality, Emotions, Mental, Intellyectual, Psychological... is a part of it.. Spiritual is a higher part of it..
Guess, we should all rise higher..
Have you ever sat down, and done an introspection and analysis of what all has happened to you and your life.. after you became active in this scene? or what changes have entered your life , after all these things..
Reflecting on my own experiences, my stupidity, my intelligence, and at what all happened to me.. i guess, it has been more filled with things, than ever before, and at the same time, a feeling of eternal emptiness filling me inside.. making me feel worthless and a low sense of self esteem..
Gay world is a bitchy world.. Everyone sleeps with everyone mostly.. Everyone falls in love with someone .. Someone betrays always.. one will surely bitch about you .. many will again add sugar and spice to it... and everyone will hear... many will always believe it.. someone wont./..rarely....
Noone will be at your side sometime... You'll cry, all alone..
"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. It can only be developed and strengtheened in trial and suffering". Helen Keller has rightly said... is it? That is , if you have go9t strrong nerves take it.. . some dont; and take a direct road to ending their own lives....
sometimes, i think, isnt it better to end all this? To end , and get over it.. fininsh it in one go..
But, then, what good would it do? to my parents? To my teachers.. to my fa,mily >? to my friends, one or two they maybe , who can die for me.. i am responsible to them..
Its not a matter of responsibility also, on thinking deeper.. it's ;like climbing the hill... Past... To forget it and forgive your ownself , and others who has wronged you... even to the extent of defaming you in thwe whole town.. i guess, still you must be strong enough to undergo this excruciating Herculean task...
For in victory, man grows.. "Strength is Life, weakness, death." Swami Vivekananda...
And moreover, we must not be ostriches... who put their heads in holes,... when they see imminent danger .. .
All of us have our own heartbreaks.. own hurts.. , but it lies in the greater nature of man, to try to overcome it... Our eyes are placed in front of our head, our nose in front.. so that we can see New, breathe New.. feel New, and also , live New .. it's higher wisdom to be detached in bliss.. to be in equanimity in any situation.. To remember that whatever my problem is, i am bigger than it .. is the right way..
A life has various aspects.. Sexuality, Emotions, Mental, Intellyectual, Psychological... is a part of it.. Spiritual is a higher part of it..
Guess, we should all rise higher..
2 comments:
Ankit,
I was just going through your post, and it seems like you are deeply hurt. My friend, I guess you are quite young, still in your studies. What the hell are you talking about "ending all it"?
This is just about perspective how we see to the things. It's never too late. Why do you feel yourself alone? I know it's one of the most important parts in life but at your age, there are many more relevant things to do. Concentrate your energy there and leave the love part on time.
It is a bitter fact, the gay world is a fancy dream, and you correctly measured it as a "bitchy world". Now when you know it why to be so concerned about it?
What makes me feel sad is that you are sounding way too negative about all the things. Don't ever destroy yourself by putting yourself in negative bin. That's good that you are fed up of this illusion and drama, now just change your priorities to your career, your education or helping others around you. You will notice a better world. At least give it a try. Get yourself involved in at least one regular activity which is not for yourself. Try it for some time.
And never forget this, "You are good, and it is never... i mean. NEVER too late for a positive start.
Come out of feeling alone. Your friends, well wishers (I being one of them), family all love you.
hey, this post was especially a positive post :)
and i am quite happy with my life and grateful.. quite the reverse..
its just that its an expression that i have to lend to my experiences, and since there are harsh realities, so they don that face...
my family loves me a lot, and even my friends do.. and i am out to them..
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